Sue and Sylvie (cont.)

    SCENE 3 INT. KITCHEN NIGHT

SYLVIE AND PAM ARE SMOKING AND DRINKING TEA.

SYLVIE
Chinese Wendy… Lives by our Bradley and his… Ged. Up by Cooks and Burns.

PAM
I was up there earlier. Lovely casket in the window, right ruddy comfy looking.

SYLVIE
Well she said she’d fetch us one.

PAM
It was pricey though.

SYLVIE
I couldn’t afford anything pricey for either of my two.

PAM
She’s not supposed to be handin’ ‘em out like sweeties though is she. They’ll be hot on shrinkage the bizzies.

SYLVIE
It’ll be different for me though… I’m travellin’ chuffin’ business class!

PAM
So, got it all sorted out have ya?

SYLVIE
What… Yeah, just a wee blow in this end and wait for the number.

PAM
I’m confused.

SYLVIE
Jus’ like our Bradley.

CUT TO:

    SCENE 4 INT. LOUNGE EVENING

      SYLVIE IS ALONE, CONSIDERING AN UGLY GREEN VASE. ENTER SUE CARRYING A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY AND A WILLIAM AND KATE CHINA CUP.

      SUE
      Where’s all your bleedin’ glasses gone?

      SYLVIE
      Pam took ‘em SCOPE. No use to me if I can’t drink tea out of the bugger.

      SUE
      And the rest of us/

      SYLVIE
      Will make do… Might stop you opening that. I told you no drink.

      SUE
      I’m doin’ no harm.

      SYLVIE
      Not open yet is it?

      SUE
      Well, what would you have me do with it?

      TOILET FLUSHES (O.O.V). ENTER PRUNELLA HYDE, (55), NICE BUT A LITTLE SIMPLE.

      PRU
      I do like that hand soap.

      SYLVIE
      Hal used to bring it back from the States.

      PRU
      Have you any spare? Y’know, the girls won’t believe me when I tell ‘em I’ve been using American soap.

      SYLVIE
      ‘Ave a looksie in the bottom cupboard there, by your foot.

      PRU OPENS THE SIDEBOARD DOOR, REVEALING HUNDREDS OF BARS OF SOAP AND BOXES OF CIGARETTES.

      SUE
      Fetch us twenty smokes an’ all will ya Pru… Wasn’t it a lovely service? I weren’t sure about the song at the time, but, if it’s what he wanted…

      SYLVIE
      I thought it were fitting.

      PRU
      From his favorite film.

      SUE
      That were never in the Last Crusade.

      PRU
      Oh you are daft you/

      SUE
      As a brush…

      PRU
      It’s from the Great Escape.

      SYLVIE
      I always thought Indiana Jones were his favorite. That’s why I got him that hat for Christmas. I know he did love to dress up.

      PRU
      Y’know, I’m not sure if he ever even saw them.

      SUE
      Bet you feel a right prat now, eh mam?

      PRU
      No don’t. He loved that hat. He said it made him look like Jane Fonda.

      SUE
      You mean Henry…

      SYLVIE
      Brew up Susan, Pam’s coming.

      SUE
      I’m not your skivvy mam.

      SYLVIE
      No, no. You’re not, but… It’s cause of you I can’t get home help.

      EXIT SUE, ENTER PAM.

      PAM
      Evenin’ you lot. Hiya Pru, cracking service. Sel would’ve loved it.

      PRU
      Well, actually he planned it, all of it.

      SUE (O.S.)
      Milk and Sugar Pam?

      PAM
      Milk wi’ two darling. Jus’ half a cup though.
      (To Sylvie)
      George just ordered in.

      SYLVIE
      Leo’s?

      PAM
      Artemis’!

      ENTER SUE WITH DRINKS.

      SUE
      Tea, tea, and yours is the half cup. I’m gonna open this bottle.

      PAM
      Twenty years he had that, and you’ve had it six hours.

      SUE
      Right, forget it! I f mam don’t drink, then neither can soddin’ Susan!

      SYLVIE
      Oh shut it, go make yoursel’ an ovaltine. You used to like that.

      SUE
      I used to like dad bouncin’ me on his flamin’ knee mother!

      PRU
      Ladies, ladies, please.

      SUE
      Sorry Aunt Pru.

      SYLVIE
      Yeah Prunella, sorry.

      PRU
      Selwyn always said if anything did happen to him, I was to make sure that you got that vase. It’s lovely isn’t it, goes right nice with your panelling.

      SUE
      Mam was so jealous when he nabbed it fro’ nan’s house.

      PRU
      I can see why, I’ve got another the same, it belonged to my mum.

      SYLVIE
      They’d make a lovely pair.

      PRU
      I couldn’t…

      PAM
      Are you sure Sylv? Isn’t that bad karma or sommet?

      SYLVIE
      Are you still here?

      SUE
      I think Pam’s right mam.

      PRU
      She is really, I’d be no better than a Billy Burke. You keep it Sylvie…

      SYLVIE
      Sure? Last chance…

      PRU
      Such a shame…

      SUE
      It can live up on your fireplace can’t it?

      PRU
      Very pretty Susan, you’ve such a good eye.

      PAM
      It’s your very own fireplace of death innit? There’s Sandy’s teeth in that box, and that snow globe was Celia’s.

      SUE
      Aunt Celia isn’t dead.

      SYLVIE
      But the chuffin’ bloke she hit with that is… I’ll get hidden from memory when I’m gone.

      PAM
      Susan wouldn’t do that.

      HOUSE PHONE RINGS, SUE ANSWERS.

      SUE
      Yeah… alright.
      (Puts reciever down)
      Your kebab’s arrived.

      PAM
      Shit… George ordered an’ all. He don’t do the door if he ordered.

      SUE
      That’ll be you for the night!

      SYLVIE
      Susan!

      PAM
      No Sylv, she’s right. He won’t come near me for a week now.

      PAM EXITS.

      PRU
      That’s me an’ all girls, it’s been a long day.

      SUE
      Night Pru.

      SYLVIE
      Yeah, take care.

      PRU EXITS.

      SUE
      Mam, didn’t Fat Elvis send you some flowers. I’ll stick ‘em in that vase, cheer the place up a little.

      CUT TO:

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